Space to Be, a set on Flickr.
I have never really lived on my own but I have always needed a space of my own–a space just to be. I grew up in a family with seven children four of whom were 12+ years younger than I was, and while my mom tried hard to give the older ones their space, really the only time that things were quiet was at night, maybe that is where I learned to love my insomnia. At just 20, I was married and I went right from home to building a life with my husband and subsequent two children, and as anyone who has children knows, there is no solitude for a mother, even the bathroom isn’t free from baby seats and toddlers banging on the door and night time is full of feedings and diaper changes and, for me, feeding machines and oxygen monitors. I homeschooled both of my children from kindergarten through highschool and so for a long time, my space to be was found in the quiet of forty-five minute drives to and from college as I crept my way through my degree for 11+ years.
Now that I’m on my own, I have mixed feelings on the personal space that I have always found so necessary. There are times when both my kids are at their dads that I settle into the silence and have a space to breathe, to read, to write, to play my ukulele, to just be and I think, this is good. There are other times when the silence weighs on me and I fill it with music or the television going in the background and I wish I could walk into the other room and see what they are doing and I think, this is sad. And it’s okay for it to be both, change is a part of life and we have to accept the sad with the good and keep moving forward. All in all, though, with my daughter’s eye for decorating, I have made a small space for myself and for my children (yes, we need a bigger space, it will come) that feels like a good space to just be.
